Tearful Thoughts.

I don't think that this day will ever get any easier for me. I feel a little guilty at times that her birth mean so much to me. My other children are such great blessings and I adore them as much as I do her but I have a rough time on this day.
I was sitting here doing homework, working away writing a final essay, editing and posting it when I finally finished I dramatically burst into tears. Not because I stress, proud or finished but I looked at the time, right around 10:30, I remember the late hours of the day of her birth pretty well, even though they were such a blur. I guess I can't say I remember them well and that they were a blur but I do want to document what I do remember.
I remember them sending me out of the room, it was about 7:30 at this point, not giving me any information on what was going on, I remember the rocking chair I sat in, I remember sobbing not know what to do thinking I had failed that I had some how hurt my sweet baby girl. I remember the phones in the nursery ringing and ringing people seemed frantic yet I knew nothing, they just kept telling everyone on the line " we can't do it now, we are bagging a baby" I knew that baby was mine. I remember calling Josh, just barely, and waiting for him to return to the hospital. One thing I will NEVER forget, I have heard it clearly in my head many times in the last 2 years and I know I remember it because my husband believed it and he helped me to believe it was true, He never told me, she will be fine, he will get well he only told me that the lord was with her, he said this You have done your part as a mother, given our child the greatest give a mother can give her child, a body. It is part of the plan, it is what you were supposed to do. We continued to talk about the plan of salvation and that if we did loose our sweet Morgyn that we would be reunited with her again. That the lord was kind and he would comfort us. I knew that was true. His testimony that night was one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me, today at church my husband shared again his testimony, one of charity and service, his love for his family and love of church leaders, he honored me as his wife and shared his love for me and our family, I was so grateful I couldn't speak.
Next I remember the blessing Josh and My brother in law Brian gave Morgyn one of safety and comfort, they left her life and our heart in the lords hands. She was calm. She looked peaceful most importantly at that point she looked a little more pink. They then gave me a priesthood blessing of rest, peace and comfort. Josh then went to the other hospital with Morgyn, I stayed and went back to my room. I don't remember much after that until 4:16 the next morning I woke up to a baby crying and I cried but turned over to realize my sweet husband was back by my side there to comfort me trusting the lord that our children were in good hands. He was there for me.
I feel like I am terrible at expressing it but I love that man, he has stood strongly beside me through hard time and great times. He makes me laugh often, take most wonderful care of me and my children, I couldn't be more grateful or proud of the man he is.
I am truly grateful for my knowledge of the plan of salvation through the last 2 years especially the lord has continued to testify to me that he has a plan for each of us. We have agency but when we are to be called back to our savior we will return. There are many in heaven waiting for the gospel and many missionaries need there.
To those who have lost children, babies and loved ones
know the lord loves you, keep him close to you for comfort he will guide you through the tough times, he will show you the way to comfort. Know that there will be a time again that you will see those who have passed on. Trust in him that he will allow you happiness and that is indeed what he desires for you. I know we have a loving savior and I am grateful for him. In the name of our loving lord and savior Jesus Christ--- Amen

Josh Turns 28!

Once again Tradition would have it that I make a seriously bad cake. I have so many talented friends and family members that I am sure that the blogging of my horrific masterpieces entertains many of you or at least is an ego booster for you! :)

Josh turned 28 on Dec 9th.... It was a low key fun evening as it always is. The 2 littlest kids and I suprised him at work with a little treat bag full of gifts... Nothing crazy but a few things he likes. such as muscle milks and almonds :)

Taylor seems to think that she gets to pick the theme for everyones birthdays so for daddy she chose SPIDERMAN!!! I made marshmellow fondant which was fun, I like to try new things even though I am rarely good at them. Anyway we did the best to make his day special and are looking forward to another great year! :) Love you Josh!!!!!

Thats alot of Candles. Daddy needed 2 helpers!

An Update

I haven't posted in a while so I thought it might be time for an update.

I have such a wonderful little family and they say and do the cutest and most wonderful things.

TaylorTay is going up so quickly she has become a very good little communicator. She LOVES to talk! She talks to everyone but is a little shy at first just like I was when I was her age hiding behind my moms leg. Then as soon as she feel comfortable the jabbering starts.

She also loves to sing, dance, color and paint. She is a sweet blessing in our home. Preschool started about 6 weeks ago and she is loving it. She is used to doing other activites along with preschool so she is finding herself a little bored some days but has had more time to spend playing with her brother and helping mommy around the house. She is becoming such a beautiful and smart little girl I think she is Daddy's very best friend! He loves to spend time chatting with her and playing games with her. She adores his attention of course and values his opinion on things. She is starting to be very observant and notice the things around her. Like a car that is the same color or make as ours things I sometimes don't even notice.

She says things like

Mommy- Red means HOT! and Blue means WARM (refering to the kitchen fauset.) In arizona that is true. Poor girl may never know the blue means cold :)

She also has come up with funny nick names for people.
She insists that her Uncle Bob is actually Uncle BobCat.... Juni bears daddy

She calls her self Taylor Swift Hannah Montana Princess Sparkles Martin

Today we had this conversation:

T: What color are your eyes?

M: They are blue.

T: Hmmmm, Let me see.

Nope they are green just like Daddy's, sorry nothing you can do about it. She is so fun loving and sweet. What a little blessing she is in our home!

COLIN Oh Our sweet little boy. He is as loveable as ever but man can he be a stinker! He always beats me with those BEAUTIFUL blue eyes. He is still as active and crazy as ever, he is a ball of energy and fun. He is learning to talk really well and can communicate his needs very well. He love to play with Taylor and run around the year with Reedley. He usually will pick 2-5 toys in the morning that seem to stick with him until he is asleep. He eats with them near, he plays with them, he sleeps with them and so on. We have been working on potty training slowly and trying to let him pace it because he is still young. He does really well some days and won't do it at all other days. We usually can guess which way it is going to go. If I ask him in the morning and he tells me " Its working!" or on other days " sorry mommy its broken, its not working sorry." It is a bit of a challenge but he is so very much fun! He love boy things like balls, cars and trucks but can be the most sensative little thing around. If you catch him when he is happy he is so very fun but catch him tired and hungry and you may want to watch out. We love him despite his stubborn personality. He is a wonderful little boy and it is amazing to watch him grow. He is such a joyful blessing in our home!



Morgyn

My dear little lady, I can not believe that she is already 7 months old. I don't know where the time has gone. She is doing wonderfully. Her heart condition seems to be under control and we don't have to see the Cardiologist until Dec. WAHOO! We are so very blessed! Morgyn is a happy baby, she is not still a bit spoiled but she is lots of fun. She isn't very fond of solid baby food but she love food. She like to eat fruit out of that little mesh spoon thing. She also love the little stars and yogurt bites and crackers.

She doesn't have any teeth yet and I don't even know how much she weighs! I do know she is chubby and sweet! She has started to army crawl and is working her way to fully crawling Im not sure Im ready for that! She grows and learns new things everday and enriches and blesses our lives constantly! We are so LUCKY! to have her! I can't imagine our family had we lost her. I try to cherish that she is a healthy little one every day!

A New Years Eve Tradition

This has become a small new years tradition to make big nasty burgers with a little bit of everything on them. I don't eat them but Josh and Nate take the challenge to the max and will finish the entire thing. They even put snickers on them this year! NASTY! They did eat every bite I think Nate even licked his plate just to push it over the top.

Fishing

These pictures are from the day after Christmas when Josh took the kids fishing because Taylor got a " Fish rope" from Santa. She has been asking for one since September. She was slightly disappointed not to catch a fish although it may have tramatized her to actually catch one who knows, maybe she has a tougher skin than I know. Anyway even though it was REALLY cold ( for arizona) they enjoyed being out with thier dad and trying the new toy out!

Happy Birthday Joshy

Well I know this is a few days late but I wanted to Say Happy Birthday to Josh! He is an amazing father and a wonderful husband. His Birthday was on Tuesday and I had to work. We are going out tomorrow for his Bday and our anniversary! He likes these Mini Warm Delights that I buy cause they are tastey and fast so I made him a few of those for a very special very Joshy Birthday Cake! I love you Josh!

October is here and Gone!

Here it is already the end of October! I can hardly believe it! It such an exciting time for us. Like the previous post said we just got our new Reedley which has kept us extra busy the last week. I am still working on the Vinyl lettering thing... I went to a show on Saturday and had a few orders! Wahoo! Keep it in mind for Chirstmas gifts! So along with that Josh is doing school, Taylor has dance and school, I am still working and we are trying to prepare to move into our new house which is coming right along. I wish it would come quicker. Oh yeah and I am FINALLY looking a little pregnant. I think my belly gets bigger everyday. I had one request for belly pictures but It might take a little more than that to get them up on here :) Well as for pictures we carved a pumpkin and had such a good time that I think I will stop by the store and pick up a couple more to carve on wednesday. Here are some pictures of the kids and Josh carving the first of our pumpkins!